#75

When I turned 12 I told myself I wanted to stay young forever. When I turned 16 I told myself it was time to accept the eventuality of passing time. Now I’m 19 going on 20, and I realize that I won’t feel old for a very long time. I used to be so sure of facts. I used to look up at my sister, who is 10 years my senior, and I used to believe that she had all the answers. I am now the same age as she was, and I know none of these answers.

I used to believe that all these experiences under my belt would allow me to feel more confident, especially in regards to my sexuality. Now I just call myself heterosexual and realize I’m in the land of vanilla. The only thing that has changed is that I allow myself the pleasure of being vocal when I’m being penetrated.

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