#68

It seems as if I have changed a lot. My love for words is a fleeting memory, alongside the bittersweet sadness that used to surround me. V stayed over at my home last night, it played out like that distant dream wherein I wondered how I managed to smuggle him in my home and for it to be alright. Living out on my own has matured me a little. I have more concerns over money, and my study habits are slowly establishing themselves. I am losing the itch to experience the world, but I think I am okay with that. Today I am going to Wonderland, aha it will actually exhilarate me as I will be scared shitless.

My fb status yesterday about sums up the ordinary tragedies of my so-called life;

Unexpected allergic reaction, hot water failure, lack of heating, empty fridge, and no funds. I’m loving it. On the bright side, less superfluous distractions from BCH210.

#65

Life’s To Do List:

-Plan out MCAT prep/study, and med school application (timeline)
-Get G1. Learn to Drive. Pass G2.
- Start saving money for car/house/kids.|
- Be Picky. You deserve it.

#64

I ended up going go-karting after dinner with Dunj. It was pretty sweet, but I found out yesterday that driving a real car is not as easy as that. V let me go around the block in his car yesterday after we patched things up because I was being a real bitch. Reason? Unknown, a shitload of excuses as usual. Instead of an almost perfect romantic dinner he had planned, we had a pretty sweet makeshift dinner at 2AM. Steak, with salad drizzled in olive oil & balsamic vinegar, with slices of cheese accompanied with wine. He even got a huge candle that repels mosquitoes, and then proceeded to drink almost the whole bottle of wine. Hilarious intoxication ensued. We went to Frequency the day before, not very eventful. Going to Vaughan Mills today. I <3 Shopping. Need to study.

#63

I’m excited to dress up and go out for dinner with Dunj, am considering it a date of sorts, as interactions should be that blurred. I went rock climbing yesterday, and I see that I do not exert myself as much as I should. In 6 hrs and 20 mins, only 1 hr and 20 min has been spent on revision for the Chemistry exam. I have 16 days left, 6 of them full days, and the rest shorter ones. Although my full day has been spent with extremely prolonged procrastination.  I cooked for myself one of the days out of the week, and on a sun drenched empty summers afternoon, I passed by a construction site of a lovely home and was hit by the urge to don a pair of paint splattered overalls and ask to assist. I am getting stupider. V says we fight all the time, and I know he’s not satisfied, but I of sorts am because I am not expecting the world, much less. Oh did I mention of the house very close to campus I put down a deposit for? Pictures when I move in.

#52

Friday, December 25, 2009, sent via FutureMe.org
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Hey Girl,

It’s Christmas Day. You’re lonely, uninspired, lacking motivation and feeling very unproductive. Good thing is that you’re not wishing for a boy to come whisk you away, at least not with the same intensity as you did in the earlier years. This letter is the product of a slow wireless internet connection, you are waiting for the movie the Dreamers to load. It’s messed, but the spontaneity chains you in its revel. Patience you are still in need of. Are you doing well in school? Are you nicer to those around you? How’s the social phobia going? Have you found a fuck buddy yet? If this is sent to 4 months in the future, you will be doing well in school, and maybe a fuck buddy. But the rest.. who knows. You’ll be 19 by then, does going to lounges legally give you the freedom you wanted? Is that boy who rejected you in the palm of your hands? Unlikely, and it sucks doesn’t it? Are you happier? Probably not. You hurt people, stop hurting others. Was boxing day good? Questions.

Since exams have ended I felt aimless and unproductive for about a week, wherein I spent moping around after a boy. Yes, a new boy, a little bit more than a fuck buddy, and no he hasn’t whisked me away from anything. It is better now, I can cull more of my urges, still not enough to stop myself from sleeping over, thus disrupting both our sleeping schedules. Am I happier? |Generally so. Doing well in school? Comparatively. Still waiting for the 2.5 credit marks to come out, as of right now 3.26 cGPA, average. Going to lounges does give me the freedom I wanted, but I haven’t been in a while and this is due to the money issue, which will be resolved soon as I do have a job. Now my main priority is to do well at work, I have a handful of research papers to read for today. The plan now is to watch a little bit of how I met your mother, sleep for an hour or so, do some reading, and then see Vlad.